Sucked Up
by Berry's Ambitions
Summary: [One-shot, crack] Co-written with GhostlyMayhem. In which Stretch gets stuck, Kat's sadistic streak surfaces, and inappropriate remarks are thrown around like baseballs. Pure silliness.


**_Sucked Up_**

**_By Berry's Ambitions and GhostlyMayhem_**

**A/N: This is pure, unadulterated crack. Nothing more, nothing less. Elena and I wrote this because we found the vacuum scene in the movie hilarious and wanted to expand on the concept.**

**There's not a whole lot of shipping in the story other than hints of Stretch/Kat, but it's mostly just the "I love to hate you" shtick and a lot of crude jokes. Come to think of it, a lot of content featured in this story is crude, and there's some cussing, so don't say you weren't warned. :P**

**Enjoy! ;)**

**DISCLAIMER: We do not own _Casper._**

* * *

"This is all your fault!"

Of course both his brothers had the nerve to blame him for the predicament they currently found themselves in. "Me?" Stretch snapped. "What the hell did I do?"

_"You're_ the one who pissed off the Doc's brat," Stinkie pointed out with a snort. "Therefore this is all your fault."

"And now we're all stuck in here 'cause of you!" Fatso added in with a glare.

"Hey, it ain't _my_ fault that the fleshie got all pissy with me," Stretch scoffed, not in the mood for pointless blame. Most of it aimed at him. "Besides, how was was I supposed to know she was changin'?!" If the lanky leader could throw his arms up, he would have. "Cut me some slack!"

"You're lucky the kid's seventeen now," Stinkie reminded him. "Otherwise we'd look at ya like a giant creep."

_"I said it was an accident!"_

"Just 'cause you said it doesn't make it true!" Fatso shot back. "You're the one who decided to sneak into her room!"

"No one told me she just got outta the shower!"

"Yeah?" Stinkie sneered. "Well, nobody told _us_ that the little snot keeps a vacuum in her room!" He fidgeted, earning a grunt of annoyance from Stretch, who was involuntarily pressed up against him. "Then she took Casper outta the house 'cause she knew he'd help us if he found out!"

"What about the Doc?" Stretch pointed out irritably. Then he wrinkled his nose. "Fatso, if you don't get your damn arm outta my face, I'll do it for ya!"

Fatso glared at him, struggling to move his limb. (They all knew Stretch made good on his promises.) "He's out of town for the weekend, remember? Got some poltergeist case in Boston that needs takin' care of!"

"So how long are we stuck here then?" Stretch demanded, knowing he would not like the answer.

"Probably the whole day," Stinkie answered unhappily. "And I had a show on tonight!"

"Yeah, well we all have our losses," Stretch responded with a flick of the wrist and a roll of the eyes.

"I don't wanna be stuck here all day!" Fatso shouted, almost panicked by the prospect.

"Well there ain't much we can do about it," Stretch said, rubbing his forehead in preparation for the oncoming ache.

Even in the dim atmosphere of the small space they were in, Stinkie noticed something. "Hey, guys... I think ya might be wrong about that."

"Oh, please do tell!" Stretch responded sarcastically, rolling his eyes again.

Stinkie pointed up ahead. "Stupid kid left the hose out!" he explained. "One of us can crawl through it, then get the rest of us out!"

Stretch, however, was skeptical. "Really? I didn't think Kitty-Kat was that much of a ditz," he said slowly. "What if she's trying to screw with us?"

"We all heard her leave with Casper," Stinkie reminded him. "Accidents happen."

"Like walking in on dripping wet bone-bags," Fatso chimed in.

"Shut it, jackass," Stretch growled. He angled his neck to he was facing Stinkie again. "Well? What you waitin' for? Get a move on!"

Stinkie held up his hands. "Whoa, hold on a second! Fatso and I think it should be _you_ to go through it. Right Fatso?"

"Yeah!"

"Why _me?"_ Stretch demanded. "Why can't you guys do it?"

"I obviously can't," Fatso stated, not diving further into the subject.

"And you are the leader," Stinkie pointed out. "And you're the skinniest out of the three of us. _And_ you're the one who got us into this mess - "

"Okay, okay!" Stretch snapped. "Shut your trap. I get the point."

"So you'll do it?"

"Whatever," the violet-eyed ghost grumbled. "If yous are too chicken to go through it, then I guess I'll have to!" Too disgusted and full of pride to look at his brothers again, he began scooting forward. "You know," Stretch began, "maybe when the two brats get back I'll stuck botha _them_ in here. Then we'll see how much they like it." He winced, instantly relieved they couldn't see his face. _This is kind of a tight squeeze, even for me._

"You alright?" Fatso asked. Stretch swore he heard Stinkie's snickering in the background. For his younger brother's sake, he hoped his ears were playing tricks on him.

"I'm fine. If you think you could get outta here faster, then - " Stretch grunted, wiggling in discomfort. " - by all means, try it yourself!"

"No, we're okay back here!" Fatso chuckled.

Stretch grumbled, forcing himself forward. As a ghost, one would think that this would be a breeze. But for whatever vacuums were made out of, it felt like his old human body trying to squeeze through a small hole or window. It was tight - _way_ too tight for comfort. But the hose wasn't to far ahead, and he could already see the light from the room outside.

"Come on, Stretchy, you can do it!" Stinkie giggled, and Stretch resisted the urge to kick him.

"Shut up!" he grunted, nearing the exit. "I'm almost there..."

"There? What's there?"

"The end of the hose-thing, you jackasses!" He reached a hand out, and felt carpet. He nearly sighed in relief. _Freedom! Almost there..._ "If you two keep it up, I won't only leave ya in there, I'll kick your asses when you do get out!"

Silence.

Good. It was about time they shut up and let him concentrate.

Stretch stuck his other arm out before wrenching his way through, grinning to himself as he looked around Kat's bedroom. He couldn't wait for the pipsqueak to get home. Then she was in for it.

He glanced back at the vacuum. Stretch was halfway out now. Just one more good push aaaannnddd...

Uh-oh.

"Having some trouble?" Stinkie taunted from within the vacuum. He and Fatso burst into a cackle fit, and Stretch wanted nothing more than to throttle them.

"Next time this happens, I'm making _you_ do this!" Stretch shot back through gritted teeth. "That means you too, Fatso!"

"Oh don't worry, the skin-bag has you on her shitlist," Fatso teased. "After all, you're the one who - "

_"Enough with the fact I saw her naked!_ It was an _accident!"_

"She certainly don't think so!" Stinkie laughed. "Though I have to admit... it ain't a good view from in here."

That puzzled Stretch, as he began to relentelessly struggle in an attempt to get out. "What are you... talking about?" he asked, pushing hard against the floor. He paused, dread filling him. "Are you two staring at my butt?!"

"We ain't staring at it," Fatso corrected. _"It's_ starin' at _us."_

"Oh for the love of..." In act of desperation, Stretch raised his voice. "CASPER? DOC? IF EITHER OF YOU ARE HOME, GET THE FUCK IN HERE!"

When no answer came - as he expected - Stretch let out a sigh. _Well, then, I guess it's up to me,_ he thought venomously. He began to crawl forward, dragging the vacuum along behind him.

"What are you _doing?"_ Stinkie asked, half-amused, half-surprised.

"Going to the kitchen," Stretch retorted. "I'm gonna cut this sucker open. Hell, while I'm at it maybe I'll chop you up too!"

"While you're in there," Fatso piped up, "can you pass me some cheesecake? I'm starved."

"Oh, I'll pass you some cheesecake already," Stretch muttered, scooting out of the bedroom and down the hallway, eyes set on the stairs. "Hope you like cyanide frosting, 'cause that's the only way you're gonna get it."

"Careful Fatso," Stinkie warned his younger brother from within the vacuum, "while he's at it, he might give ya knuckle sandwich!" More obnoxious laughter.

"On second thought," Stretch muttered, heaving a breath as he pushed himself along. "Maybe I _will_ cut the both of you up!"

"You can try," Stinkie snickered. "But you'll gotta catch us first! That is... if you ever get out yourself!" More laughter followed.

Stretch wished he had something to pound his fists into, like Fatso's head. His favorite punching bag. "Awww, crap..." he moaned, coming across a problem.

"What's wrong now?" Stinkie asked between bellows of laughter.

"Stairs." Stretch scowled. "If I weren't the one going down the stairs, I'd just push this thing down like it was nothin'." He paused, an idea coming to mind. Stretch hated to admit it, but if there was only one way he could get out of there without any injuries, it'd be with the only help available. "Alright. How 'bout I make yous a bargain?"

"What, are ya shoppin' now or something?" More giggling.

Stretch took a deep breath. _Keep it easy... keep calm..._ "What I was gonna offer, is that if you two help me get out, I swear not to whoop either of ya."

"And by help, you mean...?"

"By givin' me a push."

Fatso scoffed. "You need to do better than that! If we're gonna touch your butt to get ya out, you need a better deal than promising not to hurt us."

"Like what?" If Stretch hadn't been out of patience before, he definitely was now. "Give you my lunch for a week? Give Stinkie a foot-rub?"

A beat passed. "Well..." Fatso and Stinkie chorused simultaneously.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Stretch whined, rubbing his face. "You both suck!" If he had any idea they'd actually agree to that, he would have come up for a different idea altogether.

"Nope," Stinkie said cheerfully. "But this vacuum sure does!"

"Just. Push."

They did. Unfortunately, they wound up propelling Stretch forward in the process.

"NOT THE STAIRS!" he screamed, but it was too late. The vacuum rolled down the stairs, much to the dismay of all three ghosts.

"OW!"

"HOW CAN YA FEEL PAIN? YOU'RE DEAD!"

"WHO JUST BIT MY ASS?"

"OWWWWW!"

They landed at a heap at the bottom of the stairs. The vacuum very much still intact, and Stretch still held in its grip. The eldest of the ghosts sat up, moaning in pain as he rubbed his head. "Oww... you dumbasses..." He went to move forward, only to find that he was still stuck. "Damn it!"

"Still stuck, eh?" Stinkie and Fatso both had a hearty laugh.

"I'm not stuck!"

"Your big butt says otherwise!" Stinkie retorted. "It's almost twice as big as - "

_"Just help me out,"_ Stretch said lowly. "And maybe our deal will still be on."

Fatso let a disproving tut. "Someone's cranky."

"Oh yeah? Well, you'd be cranky too you had to talk to you every day." Stretch propped his head up on one elbow, scowling.

But before the other two could even begin to start pushing, a voice rang out. A voice that would have made Stretch's blood run cold, if he still had any.

"Oh. My. God."

Bracing himself, he twisted around. Sure enough, he was met by the grinning faces of not only Kat Harvey, but his nephew Casper as well.

Rather than paying any mind to them, Stretch looked up at the ceiling. "Now would be a good time for some divine intervention!" he bellowed. "If it worked on that Crittenden creep, now would be a fantastic time to work it on me!"

There was no response.

"Maybe there is a God after all," Kat commented, smirking. "Considering someone finally put you in your place."

Stretch let out an annoyed growl.

"His butt's too big!" Stinkie giggled gleefully from inside the vacuum.

"SHUT UP!"

"By the looks of it, he might be right..." Kat came around, inspecting the situation closely and noticeably trying not to laugh. "Can you get enough air to breathe?"

"I don't _need_ to breathe, idiot."

Casper flew to the opposite side of the vacuum, barely holding back a smile. "Wow," he commented, "whatever you did to Kat, you must've really made her mad."

"You had to see it to believe it," Stretch couldn't help remarking, shooting a suggestive grin in Kat's direction.

But rather than becoming flustered or embarrassed, as he'd hoped, the teenager merely quirked an eyebrow. "Says the guy trapped in a vacuum cleaner with no way of getting out," she said. "How'd you guys wind up all the way down here, anyway?"

"Desperation!" Stinkie declared.

"The stairs," Fatso chimed in.

"A couple of goofballs is what got me down here." To emphasize his point, Stretch angrily punched the vacuum cleaner where his siblings resided. "Why should you care, anyway?" He narrowed his eyes. "And weren't you two supposed to be out somewhere?"

"That depends." Kat crossed her arms over her chest. "Do you want help getting out?"

"Why? You offerin'?"

"Nope." Kat plopped herself down on a nearby chair. "I think I'm just going to sit back and watch you struggle."

"Wow," Fatso commented, "She's worse than Stretch!"

"Shut up," Stretch grumbled, resisting the urge to kick his brothers. He eyed his nephew carefully. "Casper..."

"Yes?"

"Do ya think you could flick that little switch that'll release us from the vacuum?" he asked as innocently and nicely as he could, which was hard considering how annoyed he was at the moment.

"Sorry, I can't do that," Casper said with a nervous laugh. "Kat made me swear I wouldn't help you guys out."

Stretch slammed his head into the floor. _"Goddamn it!"_

"I can go get some butter though," Casper offered, glancing up at Kat for an approval.

She grinned, rubbing her hands together. "Sure! Let him lube himself up with some _butter!"_

"No, I don't - " Stretch began, but Casper had already gone off to retrieve some. He decided to focus his growing rage on Kat, exhaling through his nose. "I hate you."

Kat crossed her arms behind her head, grinning. "The feeling's mutual."

"You're dead when this is over, bone-bag."

"Takes one to know one... slimer."

"Ooo!" Stinkie cackled. "Cat fight!"

"Kat one, Stretch zero!" Fatso agreed through his laughter.

"I'd ask who's side you're on," Stretch spat, "but you're not being very subtle, are ya?"

"Nope!"

"Team Kat for the win!"

"Really?" Stretch turned his head to stare at the vacuum cleaner that trapped him. "No one's on Team Stretch? Wait, since when did we become teams?" He shook his head. "Forget it. I just wanna get outta here!"

"Well, you're gonna have to _work_ to get out of there," Kat reminded him with a grin. "Once Casper comes back with the butter... well,that'll be your only way out of there."

"Somethin' slippery, eh?" Stinkie seemed to be deep in thought, and Stretch felt rather exposed in the behind. "That might not work... his butt is to big."

"Can we stop talkin' about my ass?!" Stretch heaved a heavy sigh. "You're makin' me feel like I need to lose weight or somethin'..."

"That's what yoga is for!" Stinkie exclaimed.

"Don't forget cardio," Kat giggled. "You better watch out, or you'll end up like - "

"Hey!"

"I wasn't going to mention you, Fatso," Kat scolded, lightly kicking the vacuum. "Don't be so sensitive."

Stretch made a face. "Since when did you three get so chummy, eh?" he demanded, feeling irritatingly jealous of Kat. As far as he was concerned, the only person his family should listen to was himself.

"Since we started conspiring against you."

"Fatso, you dumbass!" Stinkie complained. "You weren't supposed to say anything!"

"Sorry. It kinda slipped out."

"Did someone say slip?" Casper was back - with a stick of butter.

"I think right now, my only friend is that stick of butter." Stretch angrily snatched the stick of butter from his nephew, and then wondered what to do next. "Uhh..."

"You're supposed to rub it in, dumbass," Kat retorted.

"I know how a stick of butter works, _Kitty,"_ Stretch snapped back. He turned as much as he could, rubbing the butter around the area of his body where the vacuum had a tight grip on him.

Kat arched an eyebrow, watching the ghost who grated on her nerves the most rub butter on his body. She seemed intrigued and very much entertained.

Which didn't go unnoticed by said ghost, of course. Not one to miss an opportunity to take a jab at Kat, he leered at her. "See something you like?"

Kat gave a contemptuous laugh, running her fingers through shiny dark hair. "You wish. I've seen marshmallows with more sex appeal than you."

"Ooo, burn," Stinkie stage-whispered. Casper just looked embarrassed, but kept his mouth shut. _Smart move, short-sheet._

"Yeah, well, I could say the same thing about you," Stretch shot back, continuing to slather himself with the damned butter. "Hope you remembered to wash under your arms, kid."

"Ya know, the sooner you get outta there the sooner I can watch my show!" Stinkie huffed with impatience.

"I'm going as fast as I can! This ain't as easy as it looks, ya know!"

"Just shut your mouth and finish up," Kat snapped. "You're wasting all the butter."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have given it to me in the first place," Stretch growled. Once he was done with the butter, he threw it at Kat, who managed to catch it. He turned his head toward the vacuum. "Just an FYI: if ya want to get out of there as much as you say, then you gotta help me push."

"If it'll get your fat ass outta there, then fine," Stinkie sighed.

"Alright then." Stretch wiped some of the access butter on the floor, much to Casper's dismay. "One the count of three, you two push, and you two - " He pointed to Kat and his nephew. " - pull."

Casper started to fly forward, but Kat stopped him. "Wait a minute," she challenged. "You always treat us like garbage. Why should we help you?"

"Because I'll ruin your week if you don't," Stretch deadpanned. He glared at Casper. "Both of you."

"Kat..." the smallest ghost began anxiously, but she just sighed, waving a hand.

"We'll never hear the end of it if we don't," the brunette said, kneeling in front of the disgruntled Stretch. "The sooner we get him out, the sooner we can leave." She took hold of one of his arms, Casper taking the other. "Everyone ready?"

"Ready as a fresh apple pie!" Fatso piped up.

"Food," Stinkie added, "Which seems to go straight to the thighs for Stretch."

If said ghost had blood, he was sure its pressure would have gone to an unnaturally high level. "Just get to it," he hissed.

Kat and Casper glanced at each other apprehensively before they started to pull. Instead of shooting forward like he had hoped, Stretch stayed in place, his lower half refusing to fit through the rest of the hose. The vacuum held him firmly in place.

Stretch clenched his eyes shut, somewhat in pain by his arms being pulled. "I'm not feeling any pushing back there..."

"Stinkie and I have come to the conclusion that neither of us want to touch your butt," Fatso replied matter-of-factly.

"Yeah. When was the last time you took a bath, anyway?" Stinkie sneered. Goddamn hypocrite.

"How do ya think _I_ feel about you putting your grubby paws back there?" Stretch snarled. "But I'm dealin'! So deal!"

Two exasperated sighs followed before the younger ghosts gave in and started to push. Stretch could only imagined what his face must have looked like, because Casper and Kat both burst into laughter once more.

"Ah, shuddup, both of you!" he yelled, fighting back the urge to knock their heads together. "You're s'pposed to be helpin' me, remember?"

"I think we messed up with the butter," Kat giggled. "Because it's not working."

"I think it was supposed to be on his butt!" Fatso grumbled between pushing.

"His big butt, which might I add isn't fitting through," Stinkie added in.

"I GET IT! I HAVE AN OVERSIZED BUTT!" Stretch screamed, agitated beyond belief. "Damn it, this really hurts!" He shook Kat and Casper off him and proceeded to push. He still refused to budge.

"I thought you said you wanted our help?" Kat asked slyly.

"I don't want your help!" he scoffed. "Why would I want help from a fleshie - and from you?" Stretch glared in Casper's direction. "If you'd just flick that switch and let me out - "

"You?" Stinkie repeated. He and Fatso halted their pushing. "What about us?"

Stretch rolled his eyes. "You, me, us. Same shit, as far as I'm concerned."

"The reason I haven't let you out yet is because Kat won't let me!" Casper protested.

_"Why?"_ Stretch whined, pounding his fists on the floor. "What have I done to make her hate me this much?"

"Well," Stinkie and Fatso began in unison, but Stretch quickly cut them off before they could go on.

"Okay, okay! I get the why, but this is just... evil!"

"I find it more fun than anything else," Kat said, grinning.

"It's not so fun from our point of view!" Stinkie retorted. "He's mooning us!"

"Just shut up and push!" Stretch snapped, pushing hard against the floor. His lower half still refused to fit through the hose.

"We are pushing!" Fatso complained. "But it ain't doing shit!"

"Well don't give up now!" Stretch began writhing back and forth, hoping it would make a difference and going aggravated when it didn't. "Why don't you two just use your heads?"

"Are we talkin' figuratively or literally?" Stinkie pointed out. "'Cause our heads are kinda pointy."

"You might deflate," Fatso agreed solemnly.

Stretch perked up slightly. "Ya know, that might actually work!"

"Deflating you?" Casper repeated, furrowing his brow. "No offense Uncle Stretch, but I'm not sure - "

"NO ONE ASKED YOU!"

"Deflate?" Kat seemed puzzled by this. "How's that gonna work?"

Despite the new idea, Stretch didn't let up in his efforts, growing desperate now as he pushed even harder, wiggling and twisting his body in hopes it would help. "It's like... popping a balloon, ya moron. 'Sides, it might help my situation back there."

"He means his fat ass!" Stinkie added.

"How are they going to deflate you anyway?" Kat questioned, snickering at Stinkie's comment.

"Weren't you listening, skin-sack?" Stretch sneered. "Our heads are pointy! All they gotta do is - "

"Stick their head in... there," Kat finished, wrinkling her nose.

"Oh, gross!" Casper also grimaced.

"I ain't doing it!" Stinkie shouted. "Fatso, you do it!"

"Me?" the largest ghost complained. "Why do I gotta do it? Why don't you do it?"

"Because I'm older than you! That's why!"

"I don't care who does it!" Stretch hissed, turning to glower at the vacuum. "I just want it done. Now!"

"Um..." Stinkie began nervously, a thought occurring to him that hadn't occured to him before. "I just realized there's a problem with that."

"Which is what?" Stretch asked through gritted teeth, heaving against the floor.

"One, we have no room to run back and ram into your ass," Stinkie told his eldest brother. "Deflation only really works if we have some running room, which Fatso and I don't have in here."

"And the other reason?" Stretch asked slowly.

"We have no room to morph."

Kat smirked at the struggling violet-eyed ghost. "Looks like you're gonna have to work your way out," she sing-songed. "I could sit her all day and watch you try to get out." She inspected him closely once more. "And you are pretty wedged in there good."

"Your dad will be back eventually..."

"I could hide the vacuum in the closet."

Alright. If he couldn't do this physically, then Stretch was going to have to rely on his wits. "What if I made a deal with yous?"

Kat and Casper exchanged glances, each raising their eyebrows. "Alright," Kat said in a faux innocent voice. "Let's hear it."

"What if I helped you with your Spanish homework for a whole week? And you - " He pointed at Casper. " - I'll take you to Six Flags!"

"Make it Wonderland," Kat butted in.

Stretch gawked at her. "In Canada?"

"Do you know any other Wonderland? I've taken Casper to Six Flags a bunch of times." She smiled deviously. "And doesn't Wonderland sound better than that vacuum cleaner?"

"At this point, the sewers sound better than this thing," Fatso huffed.

"They are!" Stinkie exclaimed. "I visit them every day."

"WE KNOW," every voice in the room retorted.

While Stinkie grumbled to himself, Kat pursed her lips. "I'm not turning the vacuum on, because quite frankly this is way too amusing to cut short."

"Well can you at least do somethin' to help? I obviously can't do this on my own." Before his brothers could mention his hindquarters once more, Stretch beat them to it. "One more thing about my butt and I _swear_ to God - "

"We weren't!" Stinkie protested.

"So if I pull and they push, will that work for you?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Just get me out of here!"

"Okay, okay. Let's just get this over with," Kat sighed, rolling her eyes. Everyone took the same positions they had earlier.

"You all ready?" Stretch asked unenthusiastically. At this point he wasn't sure _anything_ was going to work - that he was going to wind up being the butt of another joke.

"Ready as we'll ever be," Kat muttered, annoyed that her show was being cut short.

"Okay... three... two... _one!"_

The room was filled with a chorus of grunts and curses, Stretch being pulled back and forth. _So **this** is what a Slinky feels like..._

"You really do need to lose some weight." Kat yanked hard on the ghost's arms.

"It's my ass, not my gut!"

"I don't see any difference back here!" Stinkie remarked, shoving hard with the little room he and Fatso had in the vacuum.

"Just shut up and push!" Stretch snapped. His body only slightly budged forward before completely stopping, locked even tighter in place.

"You've got a girl's behind," Fatso commented. "Has anyone ever told ya that?"

"You'd be surprised..."

None of them decided to question it.

"You know what?" Kat let go of Stretch's right arm, wrapping her arms around his slippery middle. They were so close that their noses almost touched, but neither paid any mind to it. "We're doing this my way." She nodded at Casper, who flew behind the girl, gripping her slim waist.

"What's goin' on?" Stinkie wanted to know.

"Can you get behind Fatso? I need one of you to pull Stretch's butt, and the other to pull... well, _your_ butt."

"As long as I don't have to touch Sir Women's Hips again, then okay." Judging by his tone, Stinkie did as he was told.

"Wait, what's going on?" Stretch didn't understand.

"We're trying to pull you out," Kat told the stuck ghost. "If it isn't obvious."

"Just making sure," Stretch retorted with a roll of his eyes. "My gut's startin' to hurt from all this..."

"That is a sign that you probably eat too much."

"How does that even work?" Casper wondered aloud. "We can't even digest our food!"

"The weight has to come from somewhere," Kat snarked, digging her heels into the carpet. "Guys, we're gonna start pulling, okay?"

"I want some anesthetic," Stretch complained loudly. "I don't want to be conscious any more..."

His lament was cut off when everyone abruptly started pulling with all their might.

"You know," Fatso remarked, "you'd think since his name is 'Stretch' that he woulda got out a long time ago!"

"We'll just call him 'Fatass' then!" Stinkie retorted, earning a small snarl from Stretch before a yelp took it's place.

"Ow!" Stretch whined. "My ass is like being pressed to the limit here!"

"Stop being such a baby!" Kat snapped, pulling as hard as she could. "Guys, push harder back there!"

"We're tryin'!" the two younger ghosts yelled in jnsion within the vacuum. From within the damn contraption, the eldest ghost's rear end slightly budged, much to Stinkie and Fatso's relief. "Okay, he moved a bit!"

"A bit is not enough!" Kat yelled. "Pull harder!"

They did. "Did I mention how much I hate _all_ of you?" Stretch raged, suddenly feeling suffocated. Which made no sense, since he was dead, but he digressed.

"Nice thing to say to the people who are helping you!"

"If you'd just hit the _fucking_ switch instead of getting off on my misery..."

"It's time you finally got a taste of your own medicine! Maybe then you won't perv on me when I'm not expecting it!"

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT."

"Guys, I think..." Casper began, but could not be heard of the arguing.

"Yeah, because it was totally an accident to stare at my boobs for a whole thirty seconds!"

_"They_ were starin' at _me!"_

"So you're admitting you looked!"

_"Anyone_ would have looked! How could you get mad at me for doing things I'm biologically designed to do?!"

"You have a chick's ass but you don't see us getting off on it," Stinkie added in.

"Because that would be weird!" Stretch squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his lower half slightly budge just a half an inch. "I'm going on a diet after this!"

"That would be very wise!"

"Shut it, fleshie!"

Kat resisted the urge to whack the ghost across the head. "Just help us out!"

"How do you expect me to do that?!"

"Wiggle!"

"I've been wiggling for forty-five minutes now!"

"Then wiggle harder, or so help me - "

"Kat?" a familiar voice called up the stairs. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah Dad!" Kat called weakly. "We're just playing Twisted up here is all!"

"He's home early," Stinkie commented. "I didn't think he'd be back until Monday."

Stretch grinned fiendishly at Kat. "Looks like you were right about there being a God."

"Go to hell."

"Been there, done that."

"Just shut up!" Kat continued to pull as hard as she could. "And wiggle!"

Stretch made a face, disappointed that he wasn't going to receive help from Dr. Harvey after all. "Argh, fine!" He followed her orders, trying to wiggle as much as he could while Kat and Casper yanked on his middle.

"Are you guys pushing?" Kat asked. "Cause he's still not budging!"

"We're trying!"

"Then try harder! And Stretch - suck it in!"

"Whaddya mean 'suck it in'?"

"Suck in your stomach and wiggle! It might help!"

"Oh for the love of..." Stretch sucked in his stomach as Kat requested and attempted to propel himself forward. Meanwhile, Kat and Casper began to move backwards - resulting in very bizarre consequences.

"Uh... was this supposed to happen?"

They now stood at the far end of the room, Stretch's body extended from within the vacuum cleaner to where they were.

"He looks like Laffy Taffy," Kat commented with a laugh.

"I _feel_ like Laffy Taffy," Stretch growled, eye twitching dangerously. "What are you two doin' back there? Playin' cards?"

"No! We're trying to push your fat ass but it ain't working!"

"I take back my comment from earlier," Fatso added, awed. "But from in here your butt looks like a balloon."

"I think that butter isn't helping at all," Casper noted quietly. "It's not making you slippery where it's supposed to be."

"That's it!" Stinkie shouted within the vacuum, startling Stretch.

"What do ya mean?"

"Since some food doesn't exactly stay inside us, maybe if Stretch swallows the butter, we can use that to put it on his butt and then he'll slip right out!"

Stretch laid his head on the floor, still holding in his stomach as much as he could. "It's worth a shot," he admitted begrudgingly.

"I'll get it!" Casper declared, leaving Kat to hold Stretch while he searched for what was left of it.

"Remember our deal," she reminded him smugly. "And if you say a word to my dad," Kat added, noticing the glint in his violet eyes, "I'll make it two weeks of homework help."

Stretch settled on muttering a string of vulgarities under his breath instead.

"Got it!" Casper was back, brandishing the tiny slab of butter. "You ready, Uncle Stretch?"

"I've heard those words one time too many today," he replied darkly, but he yeilded, gulping it down. "Oh, Christ." Stretch shuddered. "I'm never touching that shit again. It's vile."

"Tastes pretty good to me!"

"You're not supposed to eat it!" Stinkie hissed, giving his younger brother an audible thump on the head. "We're going to slather it all over Stretch's ass!" He thought for a moment. "I think I saw a porno like that once, actually..."

"Yeah, we did _not_ need to know that," Kat gagged.

"Just shut up and lather me up," Stretch snapped at his younger brother.

"Alright, alright, sheesh..."

Immediately Stretch yelped, feeling the cold substance being lathered on his behind. "That's cold! For the love of God don't _grope_ me!"

"How do you think we feel, you dick!" Stinkie yelled back.

"I can't remember the last time we were this close..." Fatso grumbled, equally annoyed.

Another few minutes of this went on before Stinkie let out a sigh of relief. "Alright, he's ready!"

"He better be," Kat replied shortly. "This is starting to get old, even for me." She glared at Stretch. "What are you waiting for? Start moving around!"

"Don't tell me what to do, fleshie." But he complied, sliding forward little by little. Stretch's face brightened. "Hey! I think it's workin'!"

"Thank God..." Casper muttered under his breath. "This is too awkward for me."

"I heard that, bulb-head."

"Does this mean we don't have to touch your butt anymore?" Stinkie asked hopefully.

"Maybe... not..." Pushing hard against the floor, Stretch could feel his body sliding forward a few inches here and there, sometimes his body locking in place within the hose before budging ever so slightly.

"Oh thank God!" Stinkie and Fatso cried out in unison. That relief was cut short when they noticed that Stretch's behind stopped moving forward (despite his tail wiggling back and forth, a sign that he was still working hard at trying to push himself out). "Uhh... Stretch?" Fatso asked apprehensively. "Why'd ya stop moving?"

"I stopped movin'?" Stretch tried not to panic or lose his temper, staring at Kat with accusing eyes. "Why the hell did I stop movin'?!"

"Should we... call your dad up here?" Casper asked slowly, gazing up at his closest friend.

"If we do, then he'll flick the switch." Kat bit her lip, contemplating.

"And I'll be out!" Stretch finished for her. "C'mon, Kitten. Haven't I suffered enough for today?" He gave a pout that would've have made Victoria Beckham envious, gazing at Kat with large eyes.

Kat stared at him blankly. "You stared at my boobs," she said, as this were the most obvious thing on the face of the earth.

"For the third I remind you - accident!"

"And besides, the deal was that I wouldn't tell my dad."

"I want out!"

A loud sigh came from within the vacuum - a sigh which belonged to Stinkie. "For the love of..."

Just then, Stretch gave a surprised yelp, shooting forward just a bit more. Stinkie had rammed into him as much as he could, given the little space he had inside the vacuum. "There, ya budged some more," Stinkie noted. "One more push should get you out."

"INCOMING!" Fatso screamed, startling everyone in the room. Before Stretch even knew what was happening, his youngest brother came at him full-force, sending the lanky ghost flying out (quite literally) out of the vacuum.

Kat and Casper watched in astonishment as Stretch soared, screaming all the way, out the door. All seemed fine and dandy until...

"Hey Bucket? What do you want for dinner, pizza or - "

There was the sound of commotion, followed by two unmanly shrieks and the shattering of glass.

Wordlessly, Kat and Casper looked at each other. Even Stinkie was left speechless.

Fatso, meanwhile, remained oblivious as ever.

"You're welcome!"

**~The End~**


End file.
